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Short comings
I knew that I didn’t want to binge anymore. To eat mindlessly until i was sick to my stomach
I was just not into that anymore.
It was not worth the price.
What if things were slowly coming to an end?
It was about knowing that it was I who wanted to stop, and I didn’t have to finish things. Or keep going.
Maybe it was baby steps?
I just wanted to be 135 again. It would make this so much easier.
If I was thinner I wouldn’t feel so hopeless and I would be more motivated.
I wouldn’t feel like I had forever to go.
That was what the issue was.
And I didn’t know how to solve it.
Inwas happy with losing a pound a week.
I was.
But it didn’t change the fact that I had boredom to deal with.
It was impossible to be busy all the time. It was exhausting.
I just wanted to be loved. I wanted to have a partner.
Maybe that’s why I ate.
I dont know.
I wanted to cry. Now the reality was sinking in.
I had screwed up yet again. I was vile and disgusting.
How could I have let 135 pounds go?
Did this mean I would have to trick myself again and be out of the house every night of the week?
I mean I technically could if I had to.
It was just so exhausting.
Why did I even bother to weigh myself?
I feel so hopeless right now



